I have always known that race and skin color are still issues in some places, That eventually my kids will realize they are different than their blue eyed ,blond best friends.
I just never dreamed it would be now!?
It all started when we made a quick stop at our favorite Chikfile, when we sat down I noticed there were five or six little girls all about WJ's age. They were all white but it was a non issue in my mind. Our church and schools are predominately white or Hispanic so our children are almost always the only little ones of color. It has never EVER been an issue! Until now, our kids never even noticed it. If anything they felt a bit superior because guess who never ever gets sunburned! In fact the only thought that I gave the situation at all was to wonder which little girl would come out fussing first.
After about ten minutes of playing in the tunnels out of sight and ear shot . they all had gathered in a little circle with 'W' in the middle. I noticed this and was secretly rejoicing! WJ does not always play well with little girls because she likes to tumble and find bugs as much or more than she likes to play barbies. As I sat watching, it became apparent that this was not a friendly huddle up and share secrets kind of circle. I watched my little Princess's shoulders slump and tears begin to role down her cheeks... I stuck my head in to see what could possibly have hurt her feelings so deeply. As I did my heart sank and the room began to spin!
" you are so ugly!'
"look at your nasty brown skin"
"It's disgusting"
" I hate it"
were the words being said by a hateful four year old standing between ''WJ'' and I, Followed by a chorus of "uhhuhs'' by her mindless minions!
OK so maybe mindless is a little strong but I am still in a state of shock.
How can four year old children be so filled with hate!?! If I had not been so shocked perhaps I would have asked the mother who stood by smiling like nothing was amiss, or maybe I would have even asked the children why they would think that having darker skin was a bad thing? MAYBE I would have given a little talk on how God made every one and never makes mistakes! But instead I grabbed my little one and just left.........leaving food and trays behind I got in the car and drove in silence for a long time praying for the right words to explain to my daughter that this would not be the last time some one would hate her before they even knew her simply because of her skin.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I know that racial tensions still exist, I know that there will be people that will judge us because of our skin color. I know that people are still dying and killing because of differences, but what I don't know is WHY??
So why in other families can hatred run so deep and so rampant that the smallest children can feel it and act on it? And more importantly or at least equally important is how do I teach my sweet innocent children about racial tensions with out making them fearful and jaded? When is the right time to talk with my boys about cases of racial profiling? When do I explain to my princess that some boys might not be allowed to date her because of the way she looks? Obviously most of those questions will be a long time from now.....but it does not stop me from wondering. Or having nightmares when I hear of another death or beating brought on by racial tensions?
For me what keeps me up most nights is simply wondering why? Why when we as a nation have come so far, why do we still hate difference? I have no answer to this question.....What I finally told my sweet girl is that people that hate you before they know you just need Jesus.
JESUS LOVED THE LITTLE CHILDREN, ALL THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD. RED AND YELLOW BLACK AND WHITE, JESUS LOVED THE LITTLE CHILDREN!
I am so very sorry that you had to experience that. I totally understand the judgement of others. I wish I could tell you what to say to your precious little ones to make the hurt and hate go away, but there is no answer other than those people need Jesus like you said.
ReplyDeleteThat is awful! I've experienced some racial issues and my child (soon to be adopted) is middle-eastern so her skin is not much darker than mine. It's amazing what people say in front of children. I've had multiple people ask me "Where's she from?", "What is she?" and "Is she Mexican?" My answer: why does it matter. Poor almost 5 yr old has asked me what mexican means. It's crazy how stupid people can be.
ReplyDeleteThis hurt my heart. :( I live in an area that has had a huge Hispanic and Marshallese population explosion and saw a lot of things like that. It has settled down but it is obviously still there (and unfortunately it runs both ways...). It makes me wonder where my Guatemalans will fall. Will they be rejected by both groups? They don't speak Spanish, so one culture may reject them but they look different than the other. I don't know. :(
ReplyDeleteI still just can not get over that people can still hate each other just because of skin color! Or in Reba's situation even just a cultural difference!? But as hurt and confused by it as I am it really renews my commitment to teaching my children to love others no matter what the skin color or differences may be.
ReplyDeletewonderful post. unfortunately the question is almost an unanswerable
ReplyDeleteages old query. but, lots of love and lots of Jesus will go a long way towards mitigating the stupidity of those whose hearts
donot know the joy of unconditional love.
carolyl/charlotte
^^^^^you are so right ....
DeleteThis blog post caught my attention today...enough for me to respond. My heart goes out to your daughter who endured being undervalued and marginalized because of the color of her skin and to you and the rest of your family. I personally know that isolating feeling all too much as an African American transracial adoptee. I also know feelings of great joy, freedom, creative energy, and beauty. What your child experienced and in this case other transracially adopted children experience solely because they look, act, and talk different from their peers is not fair and it is not right. The feelings from these acts certainly can be overwhelming and painful for all those who are targeted and can very easily chip at the core of the adopted child/adolescent/adults' self-worth.
ReplyDeleteLove is paramount in any healthy family ALONG WITH experience into and knowledge of your adopted child(ren)'s racial and ethnic community of origin. Why? Because it can teach blended families like yours how to navigate this uneven and emotionally sensitive terrain outside of a vacuum or the comfort of our homes. :-)
There are wonderful and useful books on transracial adoption written by and about adoptees of color that can help guide your family. I would encourage you to take a look if you haven't already on Amazon.com for some of these rich resources. The Simon-Roorda trilogy on transracial adoption which I co-authored talks about the issue your child encountered and other realities through the eyes of the adoptee, adoptive parents and non-adopted siblings.
Keep your head held high and continue to move forward!
Rhonda Roorda